decluttering makes me emotional

am i sentimental or just a hoarder?

It’s just a chair. I tell myself as I stare at the old woven seat that has carried me through my last four apartments.

But it’s not just a chair. It’s a memory. And even though I have had a brand new desk chair for two months now that is ergonomic, well suited to my space and overall better for me, not to mention a chair that I had been wanting for years, it’s still so hard to let go of this one.

I have the power to make nearly anything sentimental. If there was ever a shred of happiness attached to it, I can make a memory become the most desirable and romantic thought in the world— even if it was never that in the first place. It’s a blessing and curse, and maybe a bit of a trauma response to something that I haven’t fully uncovered yet, but I prefer to remember things in a positive light.

This can be a good thing at times, but it also makes it very hard to let go.

Over the last several years of my life, I have been forced to grapple with change in a lot of different ways. Changing career goals and jobs, moving into several new apartments, ending relationships, and starting them… and then ending them again. And honestly, I think I have learned to adapt and change with the major life aspects like a pro.

But my one bad habit I still haven’t shook— is letting go in the physical sense.

It’s just a chair. But it’s not just a chair. It’s something filled with memories. Somewhere I went when I had to pick myself up off the ground after a breakup. A place I realized I was going to make YouTube my full time job. A seat for me to think about how happy I was with my life lately. A space for me to sit while I learned about a health condition I was diagnosed with. A chair that went with me from apartment, to apartment, to apartment, to apartment (yes, four apartments) and never asked for anything in return.

Well obviously it didn’t. It’s a chair. See… I’m getting a little sentimental just thinking about it which is the opposite of what I am trying to do here because today I am getting rid of it.

Every year I give the disclaimer that New Year’s resolutions are bullshit and you don’t need to wait until January 1st to change your life. And then after I give that disclaimer, I completely fall for the propaganda and spend the entire month of January making plans to change my life. What can I say? I love structure. I love the beginning of a new season. And I love a any excuse to start fresh.

And yet no matter how much planning and prepping, I always wake up on January 2nd and realize I am still me. I can’t just change everything about myself overnight. It’s going to take time and I need to help myself in the process.

So, this year instead of my typical resolutions— go to the gym, cook more at home, etc, etc (which I totally will be still trying to do by the way), I thought I would take a slightly different approach. Letting go. But not just any kind of letting go, letting go in a physical way.

I’m so lucky to have built a life so full that I have countless memories to hold onto in physical form. But in order to make more space in my life, I have to quite literally do that. Make. More. Space. So I am decluttering my apartment.

A lot of the time when I say I’m decluttering, I’ll get rid of a t-shirt and call it a day. Completely ignoring my overflowing nightstand drawer holding several items I don’t need and probably should’ve gotten rid of years ago. But not this time. This time I am going to actually do it.

I have the memories in my heart and in my head. It really is just a chair.

bye bye chair